Alexandra Silva LaBarr began networking in her early teens. She was 13 when her mother went to the hospital and never came back home. She died from an aggressive brain tumour and LaBarr was left to care for her two younger sisters. “I had to become an adult overnight,” LaBarr says. “And I knew right away that I couldn’t do it alone. I needed help.” So, she asked for it. “I started reaching out and looking for resources and I leaned on different women in my life who became like mentors to me.”
Her network grew and supported her through school, through her career in business development and again when she became an entrepreneur five years ago, launching her own marketing firm in South Florida, where she’s based. “My network showed up so big for me that I had a moment of, ‘Wow, Alex. That’s why you did all that. All those years of leaving the kids to go to an event or attend an extra meeting led to this.’ Now, I have so many people here cheering for me. And that’s what it’s all about.”
People started calling LaBarr “the Networking Queen.” In 2023, she wrote The Power of Networking to help others develop the kind of lasting relationships that she has achieved through connecting with others. “I built my career networking. And if I hadn’t planted those seeds and created those connections, I don’t know where I’d be today. Networking is what set me apart from so many of my colleagues and, when I saw that people often have a hard time doing it, I realized that I could help.”
ROOM: What is it that makes networking hard for so many of us?
Alexandra Silva LaBarr: When it comes to networking, there are three types of people: those who are intimidated by it and get anxious at the idea of walking into a room full of strangers; those who have a “network” but have just failed to convert it into valuable connections; and those who enjoy it and understand its value, but just don’t feel that they have the time.
The truth is, we network every day and we don’t even know that we’re doing it. There is internal networking with your own teams. There is external networking when you’re branding your company, your product or yourself as a leader. You’re constantly networking. It doesn’t have to be hard, scary or time-consuming, but it does have to be intentional, and it has to be a priority.
R: Where do you start, especially if networking doesn’t come easily?
AL: I get asked this a lot and people always laugh when I tell them: “Just do it.” Just show up. There’s no preparation. And show up as yourself. Too often, women feel that they need to copy someone, or be someone else when they enter a roomful of people. Not true. Just show up and be you.
People also think that confidence is what they need, it’s what they’re waiting for and they think, “when I get confidence, I’ll do it.” But confidence isn’t what you need — it’s courage. Courage makes you do it. And confidence is the gift that courage gives you once you do it.
We have to give ourselves permission to show up scared. It’s what I’ve done my entire life. My heart would be racing, I’d doubt myself, but I kept showing up. Once you change your mindset to, “OK, I’m scared but I’m still gonna do it!” that’s when you grow. That’s when you become what you want to be.
R: Why is networking more important than ever, especially in leadership roles?
AL: At a senior level, when people stop networking and something bad happens, they panic and think, “Now what am I going to do?” But if you continue to network, you will never have to ask that question because your network will have your back. If you make networking a priority, you will always have these resources right in front of you, no matter what stage you’re at in your career. You never know when you’ll be just one person away from changing your entire life. And you never know who that person will be — but you know that they’ll be part of your network.
R: How do you find the time to make those deep connections?
AL: Time management is everything. You can’t be everywhere. If you’re finding that networking is hard to fit in, take a moment to figure out, “Ok, where do I want to be? What organizations do I want to be part of? What connections do I need?” Be strategic about where you’re spending your time as opposed to just randomly showing up for things. Pick three opportunities and then make time for them.
R: What’s one of the biggest networking mistakes people make?
AL: I think that a lot of people are just not intentional about why they’re networking. When I go to an event, I’m all about quality versus quantity. It’s not about running around collecting business cards, it’s about making connections. I take my time and get to know people.
So instead of going through a room and meeting 50 people, slow down and get to really know people. Ask questions and find common ground (maybe you’re from the same city, or face similar industry challenges, or share a love of travel). These are real people and just because they’re in business doesn’t change the way they connect. It’s about relationship building and establishing a rapport. That’s how you build your network.
R: What’s the best way to nurture your network?
AL: Ideally, you should be networking at least once a week. It’s about making it a priority. And maybe every quarter, just check in to say, “thank you.” We forget to thank people for what they do by just being there to support us. Gratitude is important, and it’s also just a moment to connect with them and to say, “Hey, how are you doing? Is there anything I can help you with?”
Strategically plan out which people you’re going to focus on this month. Maybe it’s a coffee invite, or a handwritten note, or even an email to say, “Just thinking about you, hope all is well, thank you for supporting me and let me know if there’s ever anything I can do for you.” It’s important to nurture your relationships because they can easily fade away.
An award-winning writer, editor and brand strategist and ROOM’s vice president of content and programming.